Table of Contents
Do's and Don'ts for Interacting with Plural Systems
This page is for anyone who wants to better understand how to interact respectfully and supportively with plural people -- especially us. Not all systems work the same way, but these guidelines reflect what helps our Crew feel safe, seen, and respected.
DO:
-
Respect each Crew member as a real person.
If someone introduces themselves, take them at their word. If they tell you their name, pronouns, age, or anything else, honor it just like you would with anyone else. -
Ask gently if you're curious who's fronting. It's okay to be curious! Just know we might not always want to say, or we might not be sure ourselves. Asking with kindness goes a long way.
-
Use the names and pronouns given.
If Lily introduces herself, she's not "Sky pretending to be Lily." She's Lily; this matters a lot. -
Understand that relationships don't automatically transfer.
Being close with one of us -- emotionally, romantically, or physically -- doesn't mean you have that same relationship with anyone else. Always ask and check in. -
Be patient with internal communication.
Sometimes it takes us time to switch, share information, or process things internally. Let us move at our own pace. -
Ask how you can support us.
Everyone's needs are different. If you're not sure what's helpful, it's okay to ask.
DON'T:
-
Don't ask to talk to someone specific.
It's not like flipping a switch. Sometimes someone isn't available, or it's not safe or appropriate for them to front. -
Don't treat us like a novelty or curiosity.
We're not here to entertain or be picked apart. Please don't ask intrusive questions just because you're curious. -
Don't assume we all share the same memories or feelings.
Even if we're co-conscious, our experiences are still individual. One Crew member might not know or feel the same way another does. -
Don't joke about "which one am I talking to?"
It may seem harmless, but it often feels invalidating or mocking. -
Don't treat us like we're unstable or fragile just because we're plural.
Being plural doesn't mean we can't function, handle things, or take care of ourselves. If we're asking for help, we'll let you know.