diff --git a/.gitignore b/.gitignore index cdc3e4e..c08920b 100644 --- a/.gitignore +++ b/.gitignore @@ -3,8 +3,8 @@ .eslintrc.json # Custom folders -gifs/* -pastas/* +# gifs/* +# pastas/* # Logs logs diff --git a/Procfile b/Procfile new file mode 100644 index 0000000..973094b --- /dev/null +++ b/Procfile @@ -0,0 +1 @@ +worker: node index.js \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/bobsaget.js b/gifs/bobsaget.js index 0866e6b..6951229 100644 --- a/gifs/bobsaget.js +++ b/gifs/bobsaget.js @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ module.exports = { name: 'bobsaget', - embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/bob-saget-tourettes-mad-angry-gif-8840899' + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/bob-saget-tourettes-mad-angry-gif-8840899.gif' } \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/cosmicvag.js b/gifs/cosmicvag.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9de3bfd --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/cosmicvag.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'cosmicvag', + embed_url: 'https://giphy.com/embed/l0exi00pvkaynyhlg.gif' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/cricket.js b/gifs/cricket.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d50bf9c --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/cricket.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'cricket', + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/crickets-crickets-chirping-silence-awkward-silence-gif-5319192.gif' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/cumb.js b/gifs/cumb.js index d11fbe3..154477b 100644 --- a/gifs/cumb.js +++ b/gifs/cumb.js @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ module.exports = { name: 'cumb', - embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/sperm-gif-gif-13292476' + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/sperm-gif-gif-13292476.gif' } \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/dab.js b/gifs/dab.js index 12e46a4..9fa9817 100644 --- a/gifs/dab.js +++ b/gifs/dab.js @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ module.exports = { name: "dab", - embed_url: "https://giphy.com/embed/lae7QSMFxEkkE" + embed_url: "https://giphy.com/embed/lae7QSMFxEkkE.gif" } \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/deeznuts.js b/gifs/deeznuts.js index c894853..dc729ef 100644 --- a/gifs/deeznuts.js +++ b/gifs/deeznuts.js @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ module.exports = { name: 'deeznuts', - embed_url: 'https://giphy.com/embed/z0XEX0BeuPGmY' + embed_url: 'https://giphy.com/embed/z0XEX0BeuPGmY.gif' } \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/fingerme.js b/gifs/fingerme.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..21d344a --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/fingerme.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'fingerme', + embed_url: 'https://giphy.com/embed/l0exi00pvkaynyhlg.gif' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/frogs.js b/gifs/frogs.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8086f84 --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/frogs.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'frogs', + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/alex-jones-frogs-gif-13621892' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/gyna.js b/gifs/gyna.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fa43eae --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/gyna.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'gyna', + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/alec-baldwin-its-prounounced-as-gyna-impersonate-trump-china-its-gif-10133422.gif' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/iloveyou.js b/gifs/iloveyou.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..992408a --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/iloveyou.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'iloveyou', + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/milk-and-mocha-i-love-you-gif-11455412.gif' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/lookatit.js b/gifs/lookatit.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dbbb215 --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/lookatit.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'lookatit', + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/would-ya-just-look-at-it-gif-10242814.gif' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/matt.js b/gifs/matt.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..146141f --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/matt.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'matt', + embed_url: 'matt.pasta' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/nod.js b/gifs/nod.js index 23eb602..66b48ef 100644 --- a/gifs/nod.js +++ b/gifs/nod.js @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ module.exports = { name: "nod", - embed_url: "https://tenor.com/view/smile-nod-yes-robert-redford-beard-gif-10489927" + embed_url: "https://tenor.com/view/smile-nod-yes-robert-redford-beard-gif-10489927.gif" } \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/nou.js b/gifs/nou.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f6d4fe9 --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/nou.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'nou', + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/no-u-reverse-card-anti-orders-gif-19358543' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/psh.js b/gifs/psh.js index dfd3885..6361590 100644 --- a/gifs/psh.js +++ b/gifs/psh.js @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ module.exports = { name: "psh", - embed_url: "https://tenor.com/view/ed-bassmaster-youtuber-youtube-influencer-psh-gif-10556767" + embed_url: "https://tenor.com/view/ed-bassmaster-youtuber-youtube-influencer-psh-gif-10556767.gif" } \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/rookienumbers.js b/gifs/rookienumbers.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b8cfacc --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/rookienumbers.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'rookienumbers', + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/rookie-numbers-matthew-mc-conaughey-wolf-of-wall-street-gif-6096185' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/shedsalive.js b/gifs/shedsalive.js index 49e998f..02e704d 100644 --- a/gifs/shedsalive.js +++ b/gifs/shedsalive.js @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ module.exports = { name: "shedsalive", - embed_url: "https://giphy.com/embed/glL1yvxJ4KvYc" + embed_url: "https://giphy.com/embed/glL1yvxJ4KvYc.gif" } \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/shid.js b/gifs/shid.js index f9ec0a2..d0e4b71 100644 --- a/gifs/shid.js +++ b/gifs/shid.js @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ module.exports = { name: 'shid', - embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/sheet-gif-19721309' + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/sheet-gif-19721309.gif' } \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/slapass.js b/gifs/slapass.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ee7e0f1 --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/slapass.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'slapass', + embed_url: 'https://giphy.com/embed/lYSvai8OdGpP2.gif' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/tmyk.js b/gifs/tmyk.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1cfdbf5 --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/tmyk.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'tmyk', + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/the-more-you-know-gif-5100490.gif' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/gifs/unreal.js b/gifs/unreal.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e339228 --- /dev/null +++ b/gifs/unreal.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'unreal', + embed_url: 'https://tenor.com/view/unreall-gif-15193874.gif' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/index.js b/index.js index a86bae3..1cb74f7 100644 --- a/index.js +++ b/index.js @@ -28,7 +28,12 @@ client.once('ready', () => { // .catch(err => console.error(err)); }); -client.login(process.env.TOKEN); +client.login(process.env.TOKEN) + .then() + .catch(err => { + console.error(err); + console.log('Token: ' + process.env.TOKEN) + }); client.on('message', message => { // Get the filename and extension as an array diff --git a/pastas/bot.js b/pastas/bot.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9448acf --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/bot.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'bot', + content: 'NodBot v2 Starting Up' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/burn.js b/pastas/burn.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9e1e647 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/burn.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'burn', + content: 'Find your nearest burn center: https://ameriburn.org/public-resources/find-a-burn-center/' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/cat.js b/pastas/cat.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1ac0bf7 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/cat.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'cat', + content: '⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢋⣩⣉⢻ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣶⣕⣈⠹⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⣛⢋⣰⠣⣿⣿⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⣿⣿⣿⣧⢻⣿⣶⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠶⡝⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⠘⣿⣿⣿⢏⣿⣿⣋⣀⣈⣻⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣿⡐⢿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢩⣝⣫⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠿⠿⠦⠀⠸⠿⣻⣿⡄⢻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣼ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣰ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⣿ ⣿⣿⠋⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/cat2.js b/pastas/cat2.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..04f5ca8 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/cat2.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'cat2', + content: '⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢋⣩⣉⢻\n\n⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣶⣕⣈⠹⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⣛⢋⣰⠣⣿⣿⠀⣿\n\n⣿⣿⣿⡀⣿⣿⣿⣧⢻⣿⣶⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠶⡝⠀⣿\n\n⣿⣿⣿⣷⠘⣿⣿⣿⢏⣿⣿⣋⣀⣈⣻⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣿⡐⢿\n\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢩⣝⣫⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠿⠿⠦⠀⠸⠿⣻⣿⡄⢻\n\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣼\n\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣰\n\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⣿\n\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿\n\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿\n\n⣿⣿⣿⠋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⣿\n\n⣿⣿⠋⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/cat3.js b/pastas/cat3.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..66ceb72 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/cat3.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'cat3', + content: '⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢋⣩⣉⢻\n⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣶⣕⣈⠹⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⣛⢋⣰⠣⣿⣿⠀⣿\n⣿⣿⣿⡀⣿⣿⣿⣧⢻⣿⣶⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠶⡝⠀⣿\n⣿⣿⣿⣷⠘⣿⣿⣿⢏⣿⣿⣋⣀⣈⣻⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣿⡐⢿\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢩⣝⣫⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠿⠿⠦⠀⠸⠿⣻⣿⡄⢻\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣼\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣰\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⣿\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿\n⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿\n⣿⣿⣿⠋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⣿\n⣿⣿⠋⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/cumcoin.js b/pastas/cumcoin.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..39a9496 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/cumcoin.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'cumcoin', + content: 'YOOOO CUM SHIT & PISS TOKEN IS GOING TO THE MOON 🚀 🌙\n\n$CUMSHITPISS 👍👍👍👀\n\nThis is a project I’ve fully believed in for at least 13 seconds 💰 💴 💵\n\n🚀 LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO 🚀\n\nGet on now before you miss out 😂you don’t wanna stay poor do you??😂 (NOT FINANCIAL' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/dickhang.js b/pastas/dickhang.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bef1ad0 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/dickhang.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'dickhang', + content: 'Should I cut a hole in my mattress for my dick to hang in while sleeping at night?\n\nI’m a stomach sleeper and all that weight on my massive bulge is uncomfortable. So what if I cut a hole in the middle of my mattress so my dick can just hang down there at night?\n\nCould this deform my dick in some way? Since all that blood would rush to the tip, could it make my dick look like a maraca?' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/gaminglaptops.js b/pastas/gaminglaptops.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8714560 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/gaminglaptops.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'gaminglaptops', + content: 'Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer\'s thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I\'m going to be alright and that there\'s nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/lenny.js b/pastas/lenny.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3344970 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/lenny.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'lenny', + content: '( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/matt.js b/pastas/matt.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dec6759 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/matt.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'matt', + content: 'PISS OUT MY ASS' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/mlm.js b/pastas/mlm.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..120a032 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/mlm.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'mlm', + content: 'Hey👋 ladies💁‍♀️ 📷 Would 😍 you 👈 like 👍 to 2️⃣ get 😮 rich 💰💰💰 by running 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ your 👈 own business 👩‍💼💼 from home 🏡 with just ☝ your phone? 📱🤳 Well 🤷‍♀️ you can\'t. 😂 Get 👏 a 👏 real 👏 job 👏 you 👏 stupid 👏 cunt' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/pridemonth.js b/pastas/pridemonth.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5bb9927 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/pridemonth.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'pridemonth', + content: '🚨ALERT🚨 🚨ALERT🚨\n\nPRIDE 🏳️‍🌈 MONTH🗓 IS OFFICIALLY OVER❌\n\nMEN ♂️ AND WOMEN ♀️ OF THE NATION🇨🇮🇧🇼🇧🇿🇨🇲🇧🇷🇨🇨🇨🇲🇨🇰🇨🇫🇨🇮🇫🇰🇪🇦🇪🇹🇫🇮🇩🇯🇫🇲🇭🇲🇬🇵🇮🇪🇮🇱🇮🇲🇬🇹🇮🇴🇭🇰🇬🇾🇲🇵🇱🇷🇲🇴🇲🇨🇱🇻🇲🇱🇲🇱🇳🇮🇵🇭🇴🇲🇳🇺🇴🇲🇳🇪🇵🇪🇵🇫🇳🇦🇸🇭🇸🇽🇶🇦🇸🇬🇶🇦🇸🇪🇸🇸🇸🇽🇸🇭:\n\nIT IS NOW ILLEGAL TO BE #GAY 🏳️‍🌈 ANYWHERE ON STRAIGHT📏 MOTHER EARTH 🌎🌐🌍🌏\n\nBISEXUALS MUST HEAD TO YOUR NEAREST GOVERNMENT BUILDING 🎟 AND RECEIVE A "Bi-Ticket Admission Allowance System Check in Mark" TO BE PUT UNDER EXAMINATION 🔍 TO DETERMINE IF YOU ARE TO BE LEFT IN THE GENE POOL. 🤽‍♂️🤽‍♀️\n\nTHE 🏳️‍🌈❌GAYSTAPO❌🏳️‍🌈 👮‍♂️👮‍♂️🚔🚔 WILL BE INSPECTING ALL RESIDENTS🏘 OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 🇳🇺🇳🇺🇳🇺 TO SEARCH FOR ANY GAY ACTIVITY\n\nANY HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY CAN WARRANT ARREST🔒👮‍♂️OR POSSIBLE ☠DEATH☠ PENALTY\n\nSTAY VIGILANT AND STRAIGHT📏📏❌🏳️‍🌈❌🏳️‍🌈❌🏳️‍🌈❌🏳️‍🌈❌' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/realestateagent.js b/pastas/realestateagent.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b1ce9c2 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/realestateagent.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'realestateagent', + content: 'What if their agent is actually their polymorous third partner and is in on it? They don\'t actually want to buy a house and he\'s not actually a real estate agent, they just put in offers, view the house, have a nasty 3some, complain to come back a couple times, then eventually cancel the offer.\n\nIt\'s classic, I\'ve seen it a million times' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/ruccoa.js b/pastas/ruccoa.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b892e94 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/ruccoa.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'ruccoa', + content: 'what if it just said "Ruccoa: shid fard cumb" instead of 2 lines' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/seal.js b/pastas/seal.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5219b52 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/seal.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'seal', + content: 'What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I\'ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I\'ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I\'m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You\'re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that\'s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn\'t, you didn\'t, and now you\'re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You\'re fucking dead, kiddo.' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/shid.js b/pastas/shid.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7e69c8f --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/shid.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'shid', + content: 'shid, fard and cumb' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/sr71.js b/pastas/sr71.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5bb19b4 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/sr71.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'sr71', + content: 'As a former SR-71 pilot, and a professional keynote speaker, the question I\'m most often asked is \"How fast would that SR-71 fly?\" I can be assured of hearing that question several times at any event I attend. It\'s an interesting question, given the aircraft\'s proclivity for speed, but there really isn\'t one number to give, as the jet would always give you a little more speed if you wanted it to. It was common to see 35 miles a minute. Because we flew a programmed Mach number on most missions, and never wanted to harm the plane in any way, we never let it run out to any limits of temperature or speed. Thus, each SR-71 pilot had his own individual “high” speed that he saw at some point on some mission. I saw mine over Libya when Khadafy fired two missiles my way, and max power was in order. Let’s just say that the plane truly loved speed and effortlessly took us to Mach numbers we hadn’t previously seen. So it was with great surprise, when at the end of one of my presentations, someone asked, “what was the slowest you ever flew the Blackbird?” This was a first. After giving it some thought, I was reminded of a story that I had never shared before, and relayed the following. I was flying the SR-71 out of RAF Mildenhall, England , with my back-seater, Walt Watson; we were returning from a mission over Europe and the Iron Curtain when we received a radio transmission from home base. As we scooted across Denmark in three minutes, we learned that a small RAF base in the English countryside had requested an SR-71 fly-past. The air cadet commander there was a former Blackbird pilot, and thought it would be a motivating moment for the young lads to see the mighty SR-71 perform a low approach. No problem, we were happy to do it. After a quick aerial refueling over the North Sea , we proceeded to find the small airfield. Walter had a myriad of sophisticated navigation equipment in the back seat, and began to vector me toward the field. Descending to subsonic speeds, we found ourselves over a densely wooded area in a slight haze. Like most former WWII British airfields, the one we were looking for had a small tower and little surrounding infrastructure. Walter told me we were close and that I should be able to see the field, but I saw nothing. Nothing but trees as far as I could see in the haze. We got a little lower, and I pulled the throttles back from 325 knots we were at. With the gear up, anything under 275 was just uncomfortable. Walt said we were practically over the field—yet; there was nothing in my windscreen. I banked the jet and started a gentle circling maneuver in hopes of picking up anything that looked like a field. Meanwhile, below, the cadet commander had taken the cadets up on the catwalk of the tower in order to get a prime view of the fly-past. It was a quiet, still day with no wind and partial gray overcast. Walter continued to give me indications that the field should be below us but in the overcast and haze, I couldn\'t see it.. The longer we continued to peer out the window and circle, the slower we got. With our power back, the awaiting cadets heard nothing. I must have had good instructors in my flying career, as something told me I better cross-check the gauges. As I noticed the airspeed indicator slide below 160 knots, my heart stopped and my adrenalin-filled left hand pushed two throttles full forward. At this point we weren\'t really flying, but were falling in a slight bank. Just at the moment that both afterburners lit with a thunderous roar of flame (and what a joyous feeling that was) the aircraft fell into full view of the shocked observers on the tower. Shattering the still quiet of that morning, they now had 107 feet of fire-breathing titanium in their face as the plane leveled and accelerated, in full burner, on the tower side of the infield, closer than expected, maintaining what could only be described as some sort of ultimate knife-edge pass. Quickly reaching the field boundary, we proceeded back to Mildenhall without incident. We didn\'t say a word for those next 14 minutes. After landing, our commander greeted us, and we were both certain he was reaching for our wings. Instead, he heartily shook our hands and said the commander had told him it was the greatest SR-71 fly-past he had ever seen, especially how we had surprised them with such a precise maneuver that could only be described as breathtaking. He said that some of the cadet’s hats were blown off and the sight of the plan form of the plane in full afterburner dropping right in front of them was unbelievable. Walt and I both understood the concept of “breathtaking” very well that morning, and sheepishly replied that they were just excited to see our low approach. As we retired to the equipment room to change from space suits to flight suits, we just sat there-we hadn\'t spoken a word since “the pass.” Finally, Walter looked at me and said, “One hundred fifty-six knots. What did you see?” Trying to find my voice, I stammered, “One hundred fifty-two.” We sat in silence for a moment. Then Walt said, “Don’t ever do that to me again!” And I never did. A year later, Walter and I were having lunch in the Mildenhall Officer’s club, and overheard an officer talking to some cadets about an SR-71 fly-past that he had seen one day. Of course, by now the story included kids falling off the tower and screaming as the heat of the jet singed their eyebrows. Noticing our HABU patches, as we stood there with lunch trays in our hands, he asked us to verify to the cadets that such a thing had occurred. Walt just shook his head and said, “It was probably just a routine low approach; they\'re pretty impressive in that plane.” Impressive indeed. Little did I realize after relaying this experience to my audience that day that it would become one of the most popular and most requested stories. It’s ironic that people are interested in how slow the world’s fastest jet can fly. Regardless of your speed, however, it’s always a good idea to keep that cross-check up…and keep your Mach up, too. There were a lot of things we couldn’t do in an SR-71, but we were the fastest guys on the block and loved reminding our fellow aviators of this fact. People often asked us if, because of this fact, it was fun to fly the jet. Fun would not be the first word I would use to describe flying this plane. Intense, maybe. Even cerebral. But there was one day in our Sled experience when we would have to say that it was pure fun to be the fastest guys out there, at least for a moment. It occurred when Walt and I were flying our final training sortie. We needed 100 hours in the jet to complete our training and attain Mission Ready status. Somewhere over Colorado we had passed the century mark. We had made the turn in Arizona and the jet was performing flawlessly. My gauges were wired in the front seat and we were starting to feel pretty good about ourselves, not only because we would soon be flying real missions but because we had gained a great deal of confidence in the plane in the past ten months. Ripping across the barren deserts 80,000 feet below us, I could already see the coast of California from the Arizona border. I was, finally, after many humbling months of simulators and study, ahead of the jet. I was beginning to feel a bit sorry for Walter in the back seat. There he was, with no really good view of the incredible sights before us, tasked with monitoring four different radios. This was good practice for him for when we began flying real missions, when a priority transmission from headquarters could be vital. It had been difficult, too, for me to relinquish control of the radios, as during my entire flying career I had controlled my own transmissions. But it was part of the division of duties in this plane and I had adjusted to it. I still insisted on talking on the radio while we were on the ground, however. Walt was so good at many things, but he couldn’t match my expertise at sounding smooth on the radios, a skill that had been honed sharply with years in fighter squadrons where the slightest radio miscue was grounds for beheading. He understood that and allowed me that luxury. Just to get a sense of what Walt had to contend with, I pulled the radio toggle switches and monitored the frequencies along with him. The predominant radio chatter was from Los Angeles Center, far below us, controlling daily traffic in their sector. While they had us on their scope (albeit briefly), we were in uncontrolled airspace and normally would not talk to them unless we needed to descend into their airspace. We listened as the shaky voice of a lone Cessna pilot asked Center for a readout of his ground speed. Center replied: November Charlie 175, I’m showing you at ninety knots on the ground. Now the thing to understand about Center controllers, was that whether they were talking to a rookie pilot in a Cessna, or to Air Force One, they always spoke in the exact same, calm, deep, professional, tone that made one feel important. I referred to it as the “ HoustonCentervoice.” I have always felt that after years of seeing documentaries on this country’s space program and listening to the calm and distinct voice of the Houstoncontrollers, that all other controllers since then wanted to sound like that… and that they basically did. And it didn’t matter what sector of the country we would be flying in, it always seemed like the same guy was talking. Over the years that tone of voice had become somewhat of a comforting sound to pilots everywhere. Conversely, over the years, pilots always wanted to ensure that, when transmitting, they sounded like Chuck Yeager, or at least like John Wayne. Better to die than sound bad on the radios. Just moments after the Cessna’s inquiry, a Twin Beech piped up on frequency, in a rather superior tone, asking for his groundspeed. Twin Beach, I have you at one hundred and twenty-five knots of ground speed. Boy, I thought, the Beechcraft really must think he is dazzling his Cessna brethren. Then out of the blue, a navy F-18 pilot out of NAS Lemoore came up on frequency. You knew right away it was a Navy jock because he sounded very cool on the radios. Center, Dusty 52 ground speed check Before Center could reply, I’m thinking to myself, hey, Dusty 52 has a ground speed indicator in that million-dollar cockpit, so why is he asking Center for a readout? Then I got it, ol’ Dusty here is making sure that every bug smasher from Mount Whitney to the Mojave knows what true speed is. He’s the fastest dude in the valley today, and he just wants everyone to know how much fun he is having in his new Hornet. And the reply, always with that same, calm, voice, with more distinct alliteration than emotion: Dusty 52, Center, we have you at 620 on the ground. And I thought to myself, is this a ripe situation, or what? As my hand instinctively reached for the mic button, I had to remind myself that Walt was in control of the radios. Still, I thought, it must be done – in mere seconds we’ll be out of the sector and the opportunity will be lost. That Hornet must die, and die now. I thought about all of our Sim training and how important it was that we developed well as a crew and knew that to jump in on the radios now would destroy the integrity of all that we had worked toward becoming. I was torn. Somewhere, 13 miles above Arizona, there was a pilot screaming inside his space helmet. Then, I heard it. The click of the mic button from the back seat. That was the very moment that I knew Walter and I had become a crew. Very professionally, and with no emotion, Walter spoke: Los Angeles Center, Aspen 20, can you give us a ground speed check? There was no hesitation, and the replay came as if was an everyday request. Aspen 20, I show you at one thousand eight hundred and forty-two knots, across the ground. I think it was the forty-two knots that I liked the best, so accurate and proud was Center to deliver that information without hesitation, and you just knew he was smiling. But the precise point at which I knew that Walt and I were going to be really good friends for a long time was when he keyed the mic once again to say, in his most fighter-pilot-like voice: Ah, Center, much thanks, We’re showing closer to nineteen hundred on the money. For a moment Walter was a god. And we finally heard a little crack in the armor of the HoustonCentervoice, when L.A.came back with: Roger that Aspen, Your equipment is probably more accurate than ours. You boys have a good one. It all had lasted for just moments, but in that short, memorable sprint across the southwest, the Navy had been flamed, all mortal airplanes on freq were forced to bow before the King of Speed, and more importantly, Walter and I had crossed the threshold of being a crew. A fine day’s work. We never heard another transmission on that frequency all the way to the coast. For just one day, it truly was fun being the fastest guys out there.' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/syntax.js b/pastas/syntax.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6c32fcc --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/syntax.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'syntax', + content: 'Eat a bag of dicks' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/test.js b/pastas/test.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..aeb9516 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/test.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'test', + content: 'afsd\'adsf\'asdf\'afdsdsfa\'f"dfsa\'adsf\'adsf\ndfs\'asdf\'f\'a\ndafssd\'afds\'sdf' +} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/wupup.js b/pastas/wupup.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..94cef2c --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/wupup.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'wupup', + content: 'You see this WUPUP right here? So, this means that southwest of WUPUP up to 30 miles between the 003 course-to and the 093 course is this quadrant, southwest of WUPUP. Once you hit 30 miles from WUPUP you can descend to 3600 feet, then you go cross WUPUP at 3600 feet, then down to 3200 feet and continue.' +}; \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/pastas/xplane.js b/pastas/xplane.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..168bc31 --- /dev/null +++ b/pastas/xplane.js @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +module.exports = { + name: 'xplane', + content: 'I\'d just like to interject for a moment. What you’re referring to as X-Plane, is in fact, Mods/X-Plane, or as I’ve recently taken to calling it, Mods plus X-Plane. X-Plane is not a flight sim unto itself, but rather another component of a fully functioning mod system made useful by the mod HD Mesh Scenery, ActiveSky and vital system components comprising a full sim as defined by the flight sim community.\n\nMany sim users run a modified version of the mod system every day, without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of mods which is widely used today is often called “X-Plane”, and many of its users are not aware that it is basically the mods system, developed by the mod developers. There really is a X-Plane, and these people are using it, but it is just a part of the system they use.\n\nX-Plane is the platform: the program in the system that allocates the machine’s resources to the other mods that you run. The platform is an essential part of a sim, but useless by itself; it can only function in the context of a complete flight sim. X-Plane is normally used in combination with the mod system: the whole system is basically mods with X-Plane added, or mod/X-Plane. All the so-called “X-Plane” distributions are really distributions of mod/X-Plane.' +} \ No newline at end of file